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Trail Of Tears: Bloodstained endurance

15/07/09 || Euthanatos

Whoa, hold on there, sonny, this is really good! What in the fuck? More than anyone I’ve shouted to the four winds that gothic metal died 10 years ago, except no one told the billions of bands of the genre, so like an undead vampire, it continues to haunt us, sucking our precious blood. But the thing is, for those, like me, that did (and still do) like the initial gothic wave (your early Theater of Tragedy and the like), sometimes, out of the fucking blue, a band will come along, use that same formula, yet ram it down your throat like a baseball bat. Trail of Tears just made me swallow its cum, and I must say I’m pleased. I don’t feel used at all.

The bizarre thing is, I’ve listened (I think) to every single Trail of Tears album and I’ve always found them shit. Not average, not almost-there, just simply shit. Sure, “Disclosure In Red” has a nice track here and there, but that was about as charming as I could find them. No, I would rather have a rat chew on my balls than listen to Trail of Tears. That was until this album came along.

Yeah, I know Cathrine Paulsen has been in the band for a while, and was actually the original vocalist, but fuck, has this woman got some pipes. I don’t know what it is this time, but she is truly blowing me away with her vocals, her range, the sheer fucking power of her performance. Now this is how you fucking produce a female singer, not high and mighty faggoty crap like Nightwish. This woman sure has testicular strength in her ovaries. Yes, I realize that was incredibly sexist.

The song writing has also gone up through the roof in terms of quality. Shit, there are even some amazing guitar solos here! Fucking guitar solos, man! When was the last time you listened to an even semi-decent guitar solo in a gothic metal band? Never! That’s when, I guarantee it.

Naturally, not everything is peachy perfect. I really, really still hate Ronny’s vocals. Sorry, bub, I know you own the band, I know you’re the leader, the man, the guy with the 2×4 as a cock, but your vocals just don’t cut it. They sound like a 16 year old in his first band. Sure, it’s marvelously produced, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sound like shit. It does. It’s annoying, please stop. I know, it’s hopeless, but there’s no harm in asking.

Hi, there. Come here often? What’s that you say, you miss the days of “Velvet Darkness They Fear”? Why, step right up, kind citizen, this is the very thing for you.

Thank you, Trail of Tears, for such a cool album. I’d never thought I’d see the day, but I’m more than happy to bend over for you guys. But just this once. And there’s a message in all of this for all you butt-suckingly bad gothic bands; fire everyone and get talented people on your roster. Really, it’s the path of redemption.

The cover: A lady in red conjuring up her dark satanic power while all hell breaks loose. Travis Smith is the fucking man.

8.5 days until hell freezes over out of 10.

Information
Released: 2009
Label: Napalm Records
Website: www.trailoftears.no
Band
Ronny Thorsen: vocals
Cathrine Paulsen: vocals
Bjørn Erik Næss: guitars
Pål Olsen: guitars
Endre Moe: ass
Cato Jensen: drums

Tracklist
01. The Feverish Alliance
02. Once Kissed By The Serpent (Twice Bitten By Truth)
03. Bloodstained Endurance
04. Triumphant Gleam
05. In The Valley Of Ashes
06. A Storm At Will
07. Take Aim.Reclaim.Prevail
08. The Desperation Corridors
09. Farewell To Sanity
10. Dead End Gaze
11. Faith Comes Knocking

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